you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
