I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
