she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
