Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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