dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
