I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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