once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
