she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
