We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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