Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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