someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
