I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
