Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Randomize
