Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
