And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Randomize
