The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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