And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
