I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
