he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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