I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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