I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
