That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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