We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Don't EVER smell your tampon
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
last night I used snow as a chaser
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
