i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
