tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
