he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
