Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
