Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Drunk is not a location!
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
