She is in my trunk
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
