This is not my ceiling
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Randomize
