Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Randomize
