just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
time to smoke my breakfast
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I deserve this hangover.
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