there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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