you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
