Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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