There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
