I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
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