i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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