No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
