so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
