eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
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