I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
