So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
