She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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