He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
