took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
being pregnant is like rehab
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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