haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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