Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
