i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Can you repeat that, but with context?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
