My liver just broke up with me...
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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