i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
