to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
She even gives head with a lisp.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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