i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
