Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Randomize
