I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
