saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
